Life: Here & Now II

shaking my mind free makes the head bolts rattle and clink a process of will, straining through choice enduring through time creating redirections focus -- self control setting my heart free is shaking of another sort, I think a process of love, wrenching the roots running through mercy spirit transformations locus of the soul

I've lost love. somewhere between the car and the house, it fell out, dropped off, evaporated, rolled into the bushes or otherwise disappeared. Like that. I had it. I really did! I felt it, checked it often to ensure it was there. Now -- suddenly gone. I'm not sure if I should panic, mourn or just cry in a massive fit of emotional stay-at-rest inertia. When I travel, I always pack it. When I eat, I always sip some. When I wake up, i look for it first thing. And always, till now, it's been there. always. Someone warned me this would happen. Happen if i didn't use it. "Use it or lose it" was the chant. That seemed too cliche to be true, too trite to be wise. I guess not. So now what am i to do? That was pretty expensive. Hard to replace. too hard. I'm not sure i can do it. not by myself, not with help, not with a miracle. In fact, i'm not sure I have the guts to... Wait... oh my... i feel dumb!... have you ever found your lost sunglasses on top of you

"whom do you say i am?" it's a question I've asked before and one You asked, though your reasons were different, I'm sure. (because you know) I ask my family and friends, and they all say things like 'you're a great guy", "you're dad" or "you're the guy who sings" (not much help.) and of course I ask myself the same question and have to wait for an answer that is slow to come, or, when it comes, feels a little late. (know thyself!) now i must ask you, because you made the very same query "whom do you say that I am?" your answer comes: "be still, tarry... and know that I am God."

serpentine i crawl along, inching toward the goal scratchy voice, croaking song, paying every toll your hand is touchless, without scuffs or swirls offers me redress, takes my stones, gives me pearls now i stand balanced, swaggering still hidden parts, plunging arrows, deep to the quill your shout is soundless , without spot or stain gracefully caress-- breaks silence; mercy once again finally i'm caught up; soar to ozonic height brazen air, cold and thin, truth makes all things right

drive away, drive away, off into the dust drive away, drive away, turning souls to rust oxidizing hearts with your bitter reply drive away, drive away, the stake is still too high drive like a madman, each blow glancing less drive like a madman, wound without redress it festers deep, your anger, deep and undenied drive like a madman, till hell itself is untied drive off, drive off! ponder no return drive off, drive off! the spittle's in the urn rotting foul, rakish brown, death layered on sin seething anger has set its stain on your drooling chin

i thought i wanted something else 'twas always on my mind, begging me for attention taking me away i thought i wanted to be famous not a celebrity, but known -- recognizable as me but fame is cheap 1 thought i wanted to be wise not a genius, but deep a reliable resource but opinions are thin all i really want is to be Yours not a wanderer, but safe sitting in Your presence an oasis in desert sand

teach me to stretch and watch me grow transform me into someone you see and grant me sunesis to know

far deeper than exclamatory the truth from each heart's dormitory feeling locked in by its faux intellect broken and low waiting to be coaxed into unity

joy swings heart sings a cadence forms eyes full love's cool refreshment comes foot leaps freedom keeps the music longs world watches you whisper gotchas the wanderer belongs

orange flash, green splash bugs hop, pellets drop life in a pond joy found, love's sound pillow piles, big smiles life in a song *video taken with Nokia E61i phone

coffee swirls around and down hot bite, caffeine's rite bagel crushed, mangled, hewn cream cheese, sugar tease thoughts clatter, bump and burst thinking through, always you words that live to quench my thirst encouraging fare, always there

We lived farther than wagons and bikes would carry Too far to be playmates and friends; Too far to be welcome or scary Not knowing that these years after, We would draw near, hope for years to gather Future days' rich store of varied pasts, and more -- A blush of glory yet to come.

When you come to mind and want to take on all my thought, Or consume my time with banal stories and suggest what should be bought My best recourse is to find a substitute and let your lure remind me to remember Truth. *Sent from and photo taken with Nokia E61i

"glorious wealth of love, of life, of rest and warmth, of strength to dream of light in dark" The words echoed in his head as he trudged down the stairwell, avoiding the laggardly elevator and its threat of close-quarter conversations. It hadn't been long ago that those words had ignited a hopeful smile, but today his whole body seemed furrowed by their puzzle. The phrase bounced in his head as he silently mouthed each word and punctuated his recitation with his steps.

tempt me not to be another for that I must resist tempt me not to rage nor to unleash the dogs of my regret tempt me not to hide behind the callouses of lessons learned tempt me not to surrender when my courage is weak but not spent tempt me not to yield the truth for the sake of peace tempt me not to package my self to gain approval tempt me instead to see my heart completely as it is tempt me instead to hold open the doors of my own depths for all tempt me instead to sip slowly the wine of your peace tempt me instead, to stretch and press hard into open arms of love tempt me instead, to run unfettered to the one who calls me beloved tempt me to be me and I will yield, willingly

I can't deny it. Though I might not fully realize the depth and breadth of your love, I know It continues on in times of silence, sorrows, and cries of heartache that drench the pillow. It continues when my day stretches from dark to dark, and my night from sun to sun's last breath. It persists when the flowers and trees mark the season with their own browning death. It haunts me when I dare doubt it ever was a love that I possessed, or have deserved. Its tenacious lingering grows in me and does its work with groans and sighs; not a word. I can not deny it, nor will I make effort to bring about in my mind such inaccuracy; That you have loved me, will and do -- in spite of all my whining fallacy.

i want to be on the scene where puppies and pillows are fluffy lay my head down to rest while actors on the screen reflect lives, both gracious and huffy and i recline on the best

me and people like me we throw the coins of their approval onto the brass dish, with hope of balance, stability, fair play tip things in our favor me and people not like me we plaster distinctives with fragile skim coats, with intent to mollify, pacify and unify keep things pleasant me, and people who don't like me we are free from the mutual debt with obligations to smilingly, laughingly, falsely enjoy each other

muscles taut, fingers high toes so far away inhale, hold, and a sigh groans as we stretch away according to the wiki stretching reasons are defined "they" know that quite simply flex is what we have in mind that could be true but i am beginning to doubt the standard notion -- when people stretch, (whatever inning) it's their hearts that are in motion

kept alone, not yet grown beyond the subtleties of preconception felt before, but an open door to the possibility of re-cognition morphs phonemes and inner dreams into emotion words shared, interchanged, gain in potence

it occurred to me over and over that i had formed many words and yet left totally unsaid all the important things - it's absurd i can't leave it completely unspoken can't risk the slipping away did i tell you yet "you're the best" or tell you "I love you" today? *photo Copyright: Richard Walters, licensed through istockphoto.com

neglect creeps forward burrowing rootlets in your discontent silence careens toward the storm where droplets form in lament can i replace my word before anchor sets undo torment?

i'm a pro although i just recently discovered (it takes a while to learn things about myself, because there's always the family, the job, friends, loads of responsibilities and besides, I have to have some downtime, some recreation, some fun) what crasti means I'll finish this later

dylan says a train is coming just around the bend slow-ly sing-ing, sure-ly com-ing, in-ev-it-ab-ly ka-choo-choomping, speed unknown, whistle blown, engine's groan, ripping what's been sewn yesssssssss dylan says the crazy-movetive is coming my way i've laid the track, i broke my back and now I'll get my pay mercy, stop the train grace, set me free free me from this engine of inevitability

i've curled up at Marriott's for a night or two worked under slanted red-tiled roof spent sleepless nights some Days lights on all night Holiday's a delight a week at La Q but wherever i rest, I sleep best when i curl up with you

it's mercy that i need, not another how-to manual fresh-baked each day i want it more than refreshing good morning kiss or blonde hugs more than top-down breezes under the hot starry sky more than spooned doses of slumber or the languid stretch it's mercy that I need, for i be a scoundrel

Everybody wants you immediately on their terms, at their times, for their advantage and I suppose that makes them like me will i learn can i find do i have the courage to love you more for you than for me? * photo taken by me. Camera: Nokia E61i

was it only because i needed to or was it because i wanted that i did

Released, free to rise once more from the embers of mesmerizing haze strengthened, opening a a door and stepping to a higher place freed to fly and leave me reaching

in my hands you become quite obnoxious twisting this way and that until my partner becomes quite nauseous and barfs in his Tiger Woods hat as big as you are, one would think that with ease i could introduce you to a small dimpled ball and you'd make the contact and instantly seize opportunity, and answer the noble call then you do it. with four hundred ten cc you chunk, and skull, and you dink then, hell-bent on making a fool out of me, you send my brand new Nike into the drink!

s tretched out, making long reaches for both ends at once, my arms open to catch all they can hold hovered above, lingering teasingly just out of reach, my hands tickle all they can grasp held close, breathing in salty sweetness, my hugs encase all they can treasure hidden within, working outward through words, my heart unlocks all it can yearn radiated near, illuminating both day and night, your smiles give me all the joy my soul can handle

I wanna hug to the center go where i'm sent or grab rest and enter in, I wanna be near you and growing as you are showing me how to make you smile all you want me to be, what you want me to see all the things you want me to do i'll be watching and learning this is my yearning i wanna i wanna touch you i'll go to the inside, the outside, front side and backside, top and bottom just to see all you want me to be, what you want me to see all the things you want me to do i'll be watching and learning this is my yearning i wanna i wanna touch you * photo taken by me. Camera: Nokia E61i

apart from you, i am free to pursue happiness, life and liberty to prosper as i westward drive to oceans, mountains, desert life i will likely call it destiny, an antidote for ambiguity and willing pay extravagant price and hasten then our sure demise

i've torn paper and have seen its jagged edge subtly transit from the thinness to the thicker fibers frayed, bandied in ways not intended i've torn grape from the vine and have noticed the stem which remains, nub at the end, still green and wet, but soon hardening, brittle and brown i've torn my flesh on splintered wood or nail, watch blood ooze while nerves recoil, breath gasps, hands grab and hug, hopped off for aid i've torn a heart set toward hope and love, ripped kindness from its roots with word, look or lack, made little of much and diminished the grand yes, i've torn: and alas, i'll tear again

my love fails when it thinks first of self- protection or ducking pain my love fails when it extends only to the point my courage lets me gain my love fails when it is split between what is set before me and what i would exchange my love fails and so I have not loved * stock photo, ULead Library

Birds rest on twiggy staleness, (brittle from a hard night's mourning, anchored poorly in weedy sweetness). Fragrance gives no warning.   Lush lies beneath, whate'er there lies and I will find it and tend it, though beneath grey skies.   * photo taken by me at Prairie Rock, Hoffman Estates IL. Camera: Nokia E61i Phone

hercule poiroit taught me quietly, calmly, while he would tell his truest friend what was in each little gray cell with a mustached smile and a gentle 'mon ami'

i want a home on the range my dad and gene autrey sang often of its wild life and peaceful nights skies full of stars for my grazing eyes sweet breezes of words, releasing soul sighs illuminated far from the harsh lights i want a home on the range *for lyric variations see this